Makeup, chaturbate, and temporary Doms

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Second Live Video Broadcast - the Harem Girl

I've been dropping into the ImageFAP chats a lot lately. There's a supportive community of guys who like to roleplay and a lot of opportunities to switch and play top or bottom in power games.

I generally find that I'm not so much sexually aroused as just enjoying being "in the moment" and playing whichever role I've chosen. It's fascinating to me that I rarely get aroused to the point of orgasm. I get a much bigger kick out of having my partner get off. (This has been a life-long part of my sexuality and would probably take a lot of therapy to unravel, so I just live with it. It doesn't really seem like that big a problem to me.)

I had a little free time today and some "tasks" to do for an online dom I agreed to play with. I wasn't sure I would be able to get to them in the time I had available, so I played around with some costumes. The costume evidently turned out have a "harem" look to it (more on that below). I got excited about the visual and went into the T-Room channel and launched my cam.

I had a decent sized and appreciative audience and had a really great time, both doing it and reading their responses in the chat. They are a very generous and positive group.

Here's a still I did before I went live on cam. I put it against a faux backdrop to try and capture a little bit of the "harem" feeling so many of the guys mentioned.

ImageFAP Harem Girl - I Create Controversy Within My Own Head

I had a fun experience today and wanted to blog it.

The whole "remaining anonymous" thing takes a lot of work. Pictures taken from the shoulder down just bother me and pixelated faces seem like a last resort. I sometimes do use blur, just to make it easy. My preference is makeup, heavy makeup, even Kabuki or alien style! But -- for a variety of reasons -- I'm not up to or able to put on makeup every time I do a shoot.

So, today I decided I'd do a "masked and veiled face" approach. I used a thong for my face and (of all things!) a t-shirt over my head. This was the result:

I was satisfied. It kept me pretty anonymous while providing a not-too-bad visual experience.

So I thought.

Turns out it was more than "not-too-bad". I launched my cam to do a little visual show and people started clicking in. There were a total of 9 in all, tho of course you don't know when they leave, only when they connect.

Of the 9, about 4 commented on how hot the "harem" look was.

I was taken a little aback. I can't say I was oblivious to the connection, I'd made it myself, but it didn't occur to me that anyone else would. My head started spinning. Why? Because I was wrestling with whether or not this felt racist and culturally offensive.

Yes, I know, I know. There's already so much about what I'm doing here that people could find offensive, why was this one different? All I can say is that it is.

I think every culture struggles (whether they admit it or now) with the question of the boundaries of human sexuality. Some try to repress it and not deal with it ("woman is the root of all evil, so keep them barefoot and pregnant and in the kitchen"), others indulge in sexual license (that part of American culture), some try to embrace a more nuanced approach, or even make it something positive (eros, tantra).  The lines are always shifting and the final word isn't in. 

Being racist or culturally offensive isn't a shifting line, it's just wrong. There isn't going to be a point in history where we realize, "well, it was OK to insult that culture!"

Anyhow, I've let go of it. It's the projection of their fantasies, not something I'm actively trying to pursue or implant.

Dom, Sub, or Switch?

The last several weeks have been a mish-mash of bizarre behaviors and valuable learnings. A while ago, I established a presence on the ImageFAP website, mainly as a CD submissive. I've written before about how difficult is it for a CD submissive to find tops, and how often I simply switch to a female nick in one of the IRC channels.

ImageFAP is different.

It's not nearly so difficult to find someone who wants to roleplay with me as a cross-dressed submissive. But, two interesting things have come along with that. The first I call "gender bait and switch" and the second I call "reciprocal domming".

Gender Bait and Switch

What I mean by "gender bait and switch" is this: an unintentional gender confusion that puts me in the uncomfortable position of deciding whether or not to reveal myself. I've had a lot of men come into channel and start playing, having a great time, and getting very excited. But at some point, they'll say or do something that makes it clear they think I'm a girl. It might be obvious ("let me lick your pussy") or not ("I wish I was there cuddled next to you, running my fingers through your hair") but it's pretty clear to me that they think they're with a woman.

Which is really interesting to me (in terms of human sexuality) is this: the person is obviously having a good time but once I reveal that I'm a man, they bail, often without even saying "goodbye".

Why?

Sex is all in the head, we men masturbate all the time (is auto-erotic comparable to homo-erotic in any way?), the roleplay was going great (taking my partner's responses at face value) yet, now it becomes a problem for them.

I still haven't done my homework on queer theory, but I talked with someone at a conference who seemed to understand it. She said that queer theory states that there are sexual acts in which the sex and gender of the partners don't matter. BDSM was her prime example. That's about power, not sex and not gender.

I wonder whether or not cyber-head is the same thing? Does it really matter who is on the other end of the connection typing those words?

Evidently to some men it does.

Reciprocal Domming

The second is a little more straightforward and a little less puzzling.

I've found that it was very easy for me to switch roles from sub to dom at the drop of a hat. That made sense for me - I write almost exclusively as a dominant and most of my fantasies for most of my life have been there. But, this was something different. I came into the chats dedicated to exploring this submissive personality. But, when I saw the preponderance of submissive men, I figured my odds were better as a top than a bottom. 

So, I'd switch.

After the scene, I would often stay around and chat with my partner. And, in more cases than not, one of us would mention switching and the other would say "oh yeah, of course".

That has me wondering now whether there's something built into the CD/TV world that makes it easier to walk this edge and make this switch?

Now, if someone's already figured this out and written about it, more power to them.  I'm not trying to do any "truly original" work here, I'm just making observations about my own experience.

And besides, if someone's already written about this, at least I can say: "see?! I knew I was on to something!"