Dom, Sub, or Switch?

The last several weeks have been a mish-mash of bizarre behaviors and valuable learnings. A while ago, I established a presence on the ImageFAP website, mainly as a CD submissive. I've written before about how difficult is it for a CD submissive to find tops, and how often I simply switch to a female nick in one of the IRC channels.

ImageFAP is different.

It's not nearly so difficult to find someone who wants to roleplay with me as a cross-dressed submissive. But, two interesting things have come along with that. The first I call "gender bait and switch" and the second I call "reciprocal domming".

Gender Bait and Switch

What I mean by "gender bait and switch" is this: an unintentional gender confusion that puts me in the uncomfortable position of deciding whether or not to reveal myself. I've had a lot of men come into channel and start playing, having a great time, and getting very excited. But at some point, they'll say or do something that makes it clear they think I'm a girl. It might be obvious ("let me lick your pussy") or not ("I wish I was there cuddled next to you, running my fingers through your hair") but it's pretty clear to me that they think they're with a woman.

Which is really interesting to me (in terms of human sexuality) is this: the person is obviously having a good time but once I reveal that I'm a man, they bail, often without even saying "goodbye".

Why?

Sex is all in the head, we men masturbate all the time (is auto-erotic comparable to homo-erotic in any way?), the roleplay was going great (taking my partner's responses at face value) yet, now it becomes a problem for them.

I still haven't done my homework on queer theory, but I talked with someone at a conference who seemed to understand it. She said that queer theory states that there are sexual acts in which the sex and gender of the partners don't matter. BDSM was her prime example. That's about power, not sex and not gender.

I wonder whether or not cyber-head is the same thing? Does it really matter who is on the other end of the connection typing those words?

Evidently to some men it does.

Reciprocal Domming

The second is a little more straightforward and a little less puzzling.

I've found that it was very easy for me to switch roles from sub to dom at the drop of a hat. That made sense for me - I write almost exclusively as a dominant and most of my fantasies for most of my life have been there. But, this was something different. I came into the chats dedicated to exploring this submissive personality. But, when I saw the preponderance of submissive men, I figured my odds were better as a top than a bottom. 

So, I'd switch.

After the scene, I would often stay around and chat with my partner. And, in more cases than not, one of us would mention switching and the other would say "oh yeah, of course".

That has me wondering now whether there's something built into the CD/TV world that makes it easier to walk this edge and make this switch?

Now, if someone's already figured this out and written about it, more power to them.  I'm not trying to do any "truly original" work here, I'm just making observations about my own experience.

And besides, if someone's already written about this, at least I can say: "see?! I knew I was on to something!"